Death is eminent, change is coming, planting is near and new life will emerge...

Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. " --John 12:24

I came across this blog last night that I had written years back. I'm surprised by it's familiarity as we are in our final stages to move to the Middle East:

"As I am getting ready to embark on the next chapter of my life, my heart is filled with hope and also fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of not "making it", not having "enough" of what it takes to give it all again to Jesus. I know I've been here before. At times it can be a lonely and scary place. I find myself asking God [at ungodly hours of the night], "Why now?" and "How, will You do this thing in me?" I feel like I'm starting over from scratch with nothing but a glimmer of hope that the Lord will guide and lead the way. He will.

I'm reminded of when I first moved to OKC. I thought I was being punished, forsaken, forgotten. What it was was I was dying, not in the physical sense but the spiritual. The surrending of MY life and MY plans to God. "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit." I love how truthful God's word is -- it never returns to us void. When I "died" and came here I found a new and wonderful life. In fact these have probably been my most precious years. I got married here, bought my first home here, planted my first flower garden here, made life-long friendships, started a career that I love and met the new love of my life here, my Mia. Thank God for Death!

Now as I look forward to the next big planting...I will CHOOSE to push away the fear and will be hopeful as I remember that little grain that was planted here 5 years ago that did grow and it did bear much fruit and hopefully it will continue to bear fruit long after planted somewhere else. "

Now some three years later this promise still resonates deep within me. My dream is still to be securely planted in God's perfect garden, placed right where I need to be to grow and bear fruit, under the Master's care. We left our cozy lives in OKC, God planted us here, in Maryland and I can hardly believe all that He has worked in and through us during this time. I most commonly refer to the past couple years as a time of threshing and rebuilding; breaking down and making right. At times moving forward seemed impossible but then when we least expected we've found ourselves thrust ahead. He has indeed kept His promise and His faithfulness has been unmistakable each step of the way. Oh, how I wish I could say that after reading this (and after reflecting on all that God has done) that Fear and lack of faith no longer rear it's ugly head! But they do. We still struggle with the challenges that lie ahead, the unknowns, the potential failures and mistakes...

Still. Ever stronger, like the flower that bursts through the earth, is the knowing in my heart that God will accomplish what He has set forth from the foundations of this world. There is no turning back now. He will not leave us, nor forsake us and He will bring forth a harvest in due time.
So, one thing I know for certain: Death is always eminent in a fruitful life with Jesus.
I feel the pangs once again...death is knocking, change is coming, planting is near and new life will emerge.