Intervention Day

Today is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Judah and I will be in surgery from 11:30-1:30 (approx. 2 hours).
We are standing up against insurmountable odds, since he is the 10th baby to receive this intervention (with 2 survivors leading the way) and with quite possibly the most severe heart defect (at this stage in pregnancy) that they have operated on in-utero. Lucky for us, we serve a God that does not shrink back in opposition but goes forward victoriously and specializes in the "impossible" and extraordinary. We feel like the luckiest most blessed parents in the world (as bizarre as that may sound right now) to be receiving this intervention and be where we are right now: in the love, care and grace of the Best hands in the world (literally and figuratively).

There's a song I've been listening to in preparation for our fetal intervention today. It's by Watermark called "Mended":

You repair all that we have torn apart and
You unveil a new beginning in our hearts and
We stand grateful for all that has been left behind and
All that goes before us


Chorus:
You've got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
'Cause your love is perfect
You are our healer
And you know what's broken
And we're not a mystery to you
(to you, oh Lord, to you)


We will dance 'cause you restore the wasted years and
You will sing over all our coming fears and
We'll stand grateful for all that has been left behind and all that goes before us


-Chorus-
Bridge:


Lord, you mend the breech
And you break every fetter
You give us your best, but what we thought was better
And you are to be praised


You are to be praised (4x)


-Chorus-
(to you, oh Lord, mender of the broken)

Through this entire journey it's been the songs and praises of the Lord that have been my weapons of warfare and brought me to quiet still waters, refreshing my soul. God has put a new song in my heart and it's a song of thanksgiving and praise. My faith has been fortified through worship and praise and I love my King and will indeed praise Him all the days of my life. To God be the glory forever and ever!

Dear Judah, my sweet precious baby Your deliverer is coming...we love you so much! Continue to be the strong, feisty little lion that we know you are but also please cooperate with the doctors today they know what's best for you. :)
Jesus, continue to hold our baby close and protect him, strengthen him, let their be no pain, we commit him to you, now and always.

"Aslan is on the Move!"

This morning I woke up with these words on my heart, "Aslan is on the move",  granted it probably had something to do with Ezra waking me up at 5 am roaring and proclaiming she was a lion,  (it's funny now but it wasn't then) we've been talking a lot about lions lately with the girls since Judah's middle name is Aslan, turkish for "Lion" :).... Anyway, for the past couple days I've felt a growing anticipation and stirring in my heart that the King is on the move and responding to our cry in big ways, I've also felt the manifestation of it with a very active little "lion" cub in my tummy. :)

I just wanted to update everyone on how Judah's doing and other news:

Yesterday I had my Level II Fetal monitoring (that I've been dreading to go to all week). Last week the doctor (the same one that encouraged me to get an abortion because he thought my baby would not be able live a "normal" life) told me that it didn't look good and that Judah was entering into critical danger with evidence of hydrops and heart failure and that he didn't know if he would make it to intervention day. Well, whatever his purposes were they were used for good because it really got us on our knees praying for "God's intervention" and for Him to slow down/stop the process of Hydrops and polyhydramnios and for the surgery to be moved up if at all possible.

So, yesterday at the sonogram we were all pleased to find that Judah's condition seemed to be stabilized and there was only little evidence of increased fluids in his abdomen, heart and under his skin in his head. There was also only a slight increase in my amniotic fluids and evidence of a full bladder, meaning he's receiving more than he was! Praise God!!

Then this morning I received a call from the Boston hospital that they were moving up surgery day to Monday- Tuesday (Nov.2nd and 3rd)!!! Another huge answer to prayer as each day is critical for Judah right now. Earlier in the week I was told that it may not be till Thursday, so needless to say receiving this call was a HUGE relief.

I want to thank everyone again for your support and PRAYERS! We literally feel them and can see God at work as a result.

At church on Sunday we were so blessed and encouraged to receive corporate prayer and also at the women's retreat I attended this past weekend.
In addition, a dear friend of ours has organized a "Round the Clock Prayer" calendar for us during this next week. We will be keeping her updated so if you would like to participate and receive updates and prayer requests you can email Jaime at:  jjredcay@aol.com.

God is gracious and compassionate and always answers us in His perfect timing. There were times this week where dissappointment and fear gripped my heart and lingered beyond what I felt I could bear but God sustained me through it all and even though at times I lack faith and patience He still remains faithful and is unphased by my weakness; He will accomplish the things that He's set forth to accomplish. This is a promise I can trust.

A friend of mine shared Romans 5 with me and I've been meditating on it all week:
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ., through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in Hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character, and proven character, hope; and Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts though the Holy Spirit who was given to us, FOR WHILE WE WERE STILL HELPLESS, AT THE RIGHT TIME CHRIST DIED FOR US."

Decision. Blessed be this road...

The past 7 weeks can only be described as an emotional roller coaster filled with ups and downs, turning our world inside out and spinning us in directions we could never have imagined.

Yesterday was another one of those days. It seems that we have been faced with some difficult decisions...

But there is still hope.

Our cardiologist after looking at the progress of Judah's heart (after only 4 days from our last echocardiogram) concluded that he is not getting better and in fact the fluid build up is starting to spread into his abdomen and he is in critical danger of hydrops and heart failure. At just over 23 weeks gestation our baby is continuing to fight for his life, even against all odds and it seems that on his own he may not have enough strength to fight for the remaining 13 weeks.

So, here we are again.
God, "you lead the blind by a way they do not know, in paths they do not know you guide them. You will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things You will do and You will not leave them undone." ~Isaiah 42:16

It seems like Judah's best option is to undergo an in utero intervention. The Boston Children's heart specialist who performs these experimental procedures called us yesterday when we got home and interviewed Obe and I to make sure that we could be candidates for this extraordinary surgery. It seems with Judah's unique condition (the enlarged left-ventricle instead of a hypoplastic ventricle) that he is a perfect candidate.

Even though this procedure is still relatively ground-breaking and new (they've performed less than 10 similar surgeries to Judah's condition) they think his odds are favorable. Right now they are mobilizing their team of ten world-class surgeons and nurses and preparing for us to come Oct. 31st. This is the soonest they can get the entire team together and right now time is not on our side as I am also developing a serious condition related to Judah's heart called, Polyhydramnios, in which my 23 week belly is filling up with too much amniotic fluid making me look more like 35 weeks pregnant. My tummy is very tight and swollen and if it goes untreated without being drained it could result in preterm labor/ and or growth restriction for my baby. I feel as though I'm getting bigger by the hour!! And my back and lungs are starting to feel the pressure too.

The surgery will basically take place in two parts:
The first procedure will be to balloon open up the aortic valve. In this procedure they will put a large needle through my belly through the womb and straight into Judah's heart in which they will attempt to balloon open the valve and release the blood and fluid build up hoping to get his valve working again. The second procedure will be like the first but this time they will insert the needle into the upper chamber of his heart to make a hole to allow passage between the valves. After that or maybe before they will place a plastic straw-like tube into my stomach to drain some of the amniotic fluid from my uterus.

We are so grateful to the Lord for His guiding hand every step of the way.

Already we feel like He has provided and gone to extraordinary lengths to confirm this next step.

~ We received a large, very unexpected check from a group of dear friends of ours just last week that will cover air-fare and this months bills since Obe has had to take off so much work and will have to take off at least another week for our surgery in Boston.

~About a month ago a good friend of mine had a picture during prayer of God cracking open Judah's (enlarged) womb and handing him a string and then closing the womb back up and placing it back (smaller than before) in my belly. I remember when she relayed this picture to me it seemed very abstract and unrelated to anything. Now I'm just amazed at its profound meaning to what will be happening.

~Also, totally unexpected a friend from the past that I have not seen or talked to in the past 11 years happened to stumble on my blog the other night just after coming home from the Boston's children's heart hospital where she was visiting her niece who also has a congenital heart defect. This friend was able to tell us all about the hospital and has even invited Obe and I and our girls to stay at her home, watch our kids and be a resource to us during out time. Oh and did I mention that her niece's doctor is the same one performing the surgery?!

~And of course putting us in the hands of one of the best fetal cardiac heart specialists in the world. This opportunity alone speaks of God's sovereignty.

Although there are many obstacles on our path right now and the road seems to become increasingly more narrow and difficult we feel that God is continuing to lead the way and has remained 5 steps ahead of us providing our every need before we even realize it.
We continue to remind ourselves that this is Judah's story that He is writing and even though we would not choose this for him, God knows what's best, and knows what we can handle and that's good enough. We know that there is no other place we can fall but into the faithful, loving arms of Jesus.

I continue to be touched by the many kindnesses being shown to our family right now. Your prayers, emails, phone calls, reaching out and acts of generosity are a testimony to us of God's love and tender mercies. You have been an example to us. Thank you!

Why I am not surprised...

This picture was taken this summer while Obe and I were on vacation. I was 14 weeks pregnant and wrote his name in the sand. Obe thought this was a silly gesture since he was convinced we would have another girl. I told him, that if we have a boy than we can show him this picture someday and tell him that we loved him before we even knew who he was. The "heart" makes me smile.

"But now , thus says the Lord, your Creator, And He who formed you, '

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And though the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,

Nor will the flame burn you, For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, 
your Savior... Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you...
Do not fear, for I am with you; everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory,  whom I have formed, even whom I have made."
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.
Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert...
The people whom I have formed for Myself will declare My praise.' "~Isaiah 43

This passage continues to encourage us as we pass through rough waters. The greatest comfort I have is in the Word of God and as I reflect on His faithfulness from generation to generation and throughout our lives.

On Wednesday we had our 2nd Fetal Echo appointment at the Children's hospital. After a couple of hours of waiting to hear the results after the ultrasound the doctors sat us down to tell us that Judah's heart is not doing what it's "supposed to be doing" and to their big surprise (and disappointment) it is actually doing the exact OPPOSITE of what they projected.

During our last visit Judah's heart specialist concluded that the left ventricle of his heart would stop functioning all together and remain a 16 week ventricle while the right side of his heart would continue to develop as normal, leaving him with "half a heart" (HLHS) when he was born. To the doctors' shock Judah's heart at 23 weeks gestation is continuing to grow and trying to pump causing it to fill with blood, creating an increasingly enlarged left ventricle. She told us that this "should not be happening" and in fact they have only seen one other case somewhat similar to his in their experience, although she couldn't tell me what the outcome was. The medical term for his current condition is Critical Aortic Stenosis. Even though it is encouraging that he is still fighting to keep his heart, their fear is that it will get so engorged that it will put too much pressure on his other organs, including his lungs and right ventricle producing "hydrops", a toxic build up that could contaminate the rest of his body and negatively effect his development, causing fetal distress and possible spontaneous abortion.

After they shared this information with us they told us our options. One being an experimental procedure in which they intervene in utero to try to balloon open his aortic valve to release pressure and enable his valve to start working on its own. This procedure is still very new and only has a 10% success rate and we would have to fly to the Boston children's medical center to receive it. Our other option is to wait and just see what happens in the weeks to come, hoping that he will make it to at least 34 weeks so they can deliver him, they think that if his condition doesn't get better soon that he may only have a 20% chance of making it that far.
On Monday we are going back to check on any other developments and to make a final decision on the Boston procedure (as our window is narrowing for the surgery). Right now we are leaning more heavily on waiting it through to see what God will do.

The word that kept coming to our doctor as she was talking with us was "surprise".
The interesting thing is that we have felt from the very beginning that this little baby was going to "surprise" us every step of the way.
He has already beaten incredible odds -- first being conceived, second, being a boy:), third, having a rare congenital heart defect and now doing something totally unexpected again and continuing to fight for wholeness. Our prayer has been that he would not be just another statistic and that they wouldn't be able to label him, that God would intervene in extraordinary and creative ways and that He alone would get the glory and praise in our son's life.

As we sat there listening Dr. Donofrio stopped and said, "you guys seem remarkably calm about all this" (she was probably remembering the emotional wreck I was a few weeks before)..."what's going on?" she asked. I told her that I felt with 100% certainty that Judah is going to make it and that he will continue to surprise them. We told them that we felt that God had purposed his life and that He has him in the palm of his hand *as is shown in the ultrasound picture below. Notice the mass to the left of Judah's body, to me it looks like a strong masculine hand and forearm cupping his face*. :)
To our surprise, she and her colleague smiled genuinely at us and said, "your motherly intuition is the best hope we have, and for right now that's good enough for me...we'll continue to fight for your baby". It was a very sweet response.

So, with all that said, we are continuing to stand firm in faith and cry out to God for His perfect will to be done and that He would continue to form His masterpiece. We were SO encouraged on our recent trip down south and felt once again that God was strengthening us for the battle that we would continue to fight during this pregnancy. Our faith has been challenged and exercised in ways we have not experienced till now, I thank God for doing this work in us. So many of you, our friends, family and people we don't even know have been contending for our little baby. We are forever grateful for your prayers. We can't explain the peace that we are experiencing, but both Obe and I feel even more peace as the diagnosis gets worse. And we are actually encouraged that the Doctors aren't in control because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is.

Will you continue to contend with us for God's wholeness in Judah's life?

~ That God gives us wisdom and that He would give us peace if we are to go ahead with the Boston procedure.

~That He would sustain Judah and that there would be no contamination and increased pressure on his lungs and heart.

~That the aortic valve will open and that the ventricle would not give out.

~And most importantly that our little "Lion" would continue to fight and surprise the doctors by beating the odds and not suffer during this time. And that God would be glorified in his life and work His creative miracle in him.

Already, I've been able to share Judah's testimony with so many. Yesterday at my prenatal check-up I was discussing the current diagnosis with the midwives and again they commented on my peace, at first I kind of just blew it off saying I felt God has special plans for our baby but they kept probing for more... I got to share with them more about Judah's name, our faith in God and prayer and the beauty of God's Word.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen...

On Wednesday Obe and I went to the Children's National Heart Institute in DC for our Fetal Echocardiogram. On our way there we decided to saturate and arm ourselves with God's Truth and Promises.
I read Hebrews 11 out loud. The chapter starts off with these words:
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible...without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him..."

The chapter goes on to talk about men and women that stood up against insurmountable odds, they had every strike against them in the natural world and to those that didn't, like Moses, they refused entitlement and wealth for the sake of Greater Riches and promises from God.
As I read this chapter I was filled with great humility and faith rose up within me that this same God that caused men to "conquer kingdoms, perform acts of righteousness, obtain promises, shut the mouths of lions, escape the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, parted the Red Sea"...this same God was now walking with us and girding us up to face whatever giant we were now up against.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.

Four words that break my heart and make very little sense to me right now....

What Doctors say:
After 5 hours of indepth heart sonogramming and deliberations we found out that the pediatric cardiology specialists believe with "100%" certainty that our son has a rare congenital heart defect called, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Basically, this means that sometime between now and when he's born they believe that the left ventricle in his heart will stop functioning and he will be born with half a heart. These babies have at most 48 hours (that's what they told us with our son's condition) after birth to receive open heart surgery because their heart is incapable of pumping oxygen rich blood to the body on its own. This procedure on avg has a 50-85% success rate (meaning the baby's life is sustained). However, there are many other complications due to the intense toll these complicated surgeries have on their newborn bodies. For example, brain damage, slowed speech, collapsed lungs, acid reflux, contamination, the list can go on and on..life is taken one day at a time and they have to undergo a series of open-heart surgeries by the time their 18 months old. They told us everything and gave us all our options. We sat there listening to what they projected his life to look like from now until he's at least 20, since their oldest survivors of HLHS are now only in their early 20's.
Even though they can offer much hope there are still so many risks and unknowns. If you want to find out more about this syndrome this site is good because its a testimonial of a beautiful little girl named, Grace with HLHS: http://www.heartofgrace.net/WhatIsHLHS.html.

Many of you have sent us messages and emails asking us how things are going...it's been a tough and confusing week...we thank you again and again for your prayers and concerns for us! We have been wrestling with this diagnosis all week, crying out to God, seeking His face and making preparations for the potential challenging journey ahead of us. So thank you for your patience.

What we say:
We feel very fortunate to have such an amazing, world-class team of pediatric heart surgeons on Judah's side but right now we do not see Judah as a "HLHS" baby (despite what the doctors say). We believe that God is not done with him yet and who but God truly knows the heart of man, He is still perfecting him and safely knitting him in my womb and He alone ultimately has the final Word.
We are asking God for a Creative miracle in his life and for His kingdom to come, His will to be done. We praise God for our son. He already is such a gift to us...we are completely in love! We know that God has a plan and a purpose in all of this and we are still holding on to dear life to the promises He has, the ones not seen, as well as the ones that are for today. No matter what the outcome, we are committed to Praising the King through little Judah's life.

Will you please continue to stand with us for our son, Judah Aslan?

We are not ready to relinquish him into the miracles of modern medicine. Our prayer is for God to be victorious in this situation and continue the work of Master Creator, Great Physician, making his heart wholly His for His mighty purposes. We are also praying that He would uphold us during this time, give us strength when we're weary, fill us with Faith and Hope and that fear would not cloud His purposes in our lives. He's put a new song in my heart each morning and I can say with all my heart that "His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness, so I will gladly boast in my weakness so His power may rest on me." (2cor.12:9)

We feel like we're in for the fight of our lives.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2cor4:19)

What God's Word says:
"For I know the Plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your heart." (jer.29:11)

we are His masterpiece

Tomorrow (Wednesday, 16th) we have our Fetal Echo Cardiogram at the Children's Hospital in DC. Naturally, we are nervously anticipating this appointment because they should be able to tell us exactly what's going on with Judah's heart and how/where the blood is being distributed.

Please pray for peace of mind and strength for Obe and I as we find out more and also for a GOOD report! We are still holding on to His Word and the many words of encouragement, prayers and faith that been poured out on us.
Thank you so much again for the emails, phone calls, prayer chains, texts and love and support... we stand in awe of God's mercies that are new each day and His great big beautiful family that we are apart of.

Just wanted to share this song/painting that has especially comforted me over the past several days. I have felt God's healing balm over mine and Judah's heart while listening to it. His love and care for His creation is breathtakingly beautiful to me. Be blessed by it!

I don't even know how to begin this...but I know that no one but God knows how this will end...

Many of you have been asking about our baby and we so appreciate your prayers and concerns. For the sake of having to update everyone one by one on what's happening I'm writing down what we know:

Last Friday we had the priviledge of having our first ultrasound and found out much to our surprise, and joy, that we are having a baby BOY! We left feeling that this news would be the biggest surprise we would have about this new life growing inside of me. Soon after, we got a call from my midwife saying that there were some "abnormalities" in our son's heart and that they wanted us to go to a heart specialist as soon as possible and get a Fetal Echo cardiagram done. They said nothing else. Over the weekend I browsed through the internet (not always a good idea) and looked up heart conditions in baby's and found that most baby's with "abnormalities" in the heart are at risk of having Down's syndrome or worse. It was a long weekend of waiting, praying and crying out to God.

Fortunately, we were able to get in Tuesday morning with the pediatric doctors for another indepth sonogram. After a couple of hours of a team of doctors meticulously looking at our baby they told us that there was indeed abnormalities in our baby's heart and that they looked severe. At this point from what they can make out (at 17 weeks) he seems to have a hole in his heart and his AV (atrium ventricle) missing. His condition does not really fall into any heart defect "category" as of yet. He's high risk for Down's Syndrome but even more serious than that they think he will need heart surgery after birth and from what they can see may not be able to live a "normal" life. They give us this news with the invitation of an Amnio (to see if he's Down's), this procedure has a 1 in 200 risk of miscarriage (we decline much to their dissaproval), and they mention the option of abortion.
It all came like a flood. Everything stopped. We were devastated. I felt this overwhelming weight on me like I couldn't breathe, trying to process what seemed like a nightmare that I should be waking up from. It's amazing how in one moment to the next everything can change, your plans, your future, your family...nothing is really ever guarenteed.

So, here we are. I feel utterly ill-equipped to handle this situation. But here IS where we are. And although we have no idea where we are going and what will happen next, there is this deep abiding knowledge at the core of my very being that God knows exactly where we are, that He has a plan and that He is 100,000% able to get us through this. No matter what the outcome is.

Would you please pray for our son, Judah Aslan that's due on Valentine's Day?
We are believing that God will do a miracle in His life, or ours, because either way we need Him to bring His kingdom into this situation. We know that God has purposed his life. A month before I got pregnant God gave me the name, Judah Aslan, which means Lion of Judah. Judah means "praised" and Aslan is the turkish name for Lion, it also means, "Praise" the "King". Our prayer is that God would glorify Himself through Judah's life and that He will heal his heart and make him whole continuing the work of Master Creator forming His insides and all it's intricacies bit by bit. We are holding on for dear life to the promises of God...we know that He gives GOOD gifts, that He promises hope for our future, He promises to never leave us nor forsake us, to be gracious and compassionate, to be ever-present in times of trouble, to comfort those who weep, to heal the lame, and broken-hearted and to make all the detours of adversity in life into highways of destiny. We will praise Him no matter what.
For now we will wait, not just on the dozens of doctors appts, but on God who answers and rescues us in times of trouble.

Already we feel the prayers of so many contending for Judah! Your prayers for our son and our family are more precious to us than anything else we could ask. Our times with Jesus have been sweet, He is comforting us, building our faith and hope is rising within us.

We'll keep this updated.

Psalm 139: 13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

Psalm 116
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Becuse he turned his ear to me, i will call on him as long as i live.
The cords of death entangled me , the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, Save me!"
The Lord is gracious and righteous, our God is full of compssion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O Lord, have delieverd my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed; therefore I said, ...How can I repay the Lord for all His goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord...2And I will praise you all the days of my life.







These pictures were taken right before my ultrasound on Friday. The girls are kissing and hugging "their baby". They love to take turns kissing my belly and talking to their baby brother.