Why I am not surprised...

This picture was taken this summer while Obe and I were on vacation. I was 14 weeks pregnant and wrote his name in the sand. Obe thought this was a silly gesture since he was convinced we would have another girl. I told him, that if we have a boy than we can show him this picture someday and tell him that we loved him before we even knew who he was. The "heart" makes me smile.

"But now , thus says the Lord, your Creator, And He who formed you, '

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And though the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,

Nor will the flame burn you, For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, 
your Savior... Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you...
Do not fear, for I am with you; everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory,  whom I have formed, even whom I have made."
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.
Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert...
The people whom I have formed for Myself will declare My praise.' "~Isaiah 43

This passage continues to encourage us as we pass through rough waters. The greatest comfort I have is in the Word of God and as I reflect on His faithfulness from generation to generation and throughout our lives.

On Wednesday we had our 2nd Fetal Echo appointment at the Children's hospital. After a couple of hours of waiting to hear the results after the ultrasound the doctors sat us down to tell us that Judah's heart is not doing what it's "supposed to be doing" and to their big surprise (and disappointment) it is actually doing the exact OPPOSITE of what they projected.

During our last visit Judah's heart specialist concluded that the left ventricle of his heart would stop functioning all together and remain a 16 week ventricle while the right side of his heart would continue to develop as normal, leaving him with "half a heart" (HLHS) when he was born. To the doctors' shock Judah's heart at 23 weeks gestation is continuing to grow and trying to pump causing it to fill with blood, creating an increasingly enlarged left ventricle. She told us that this "should not be happening" and in fact they have only seen one other case somewhat similar to his in their experience, although she couldn't tell me what the outcome was. The medical term for his current condition is Critical Aortic Stenosis. Even though it is encouraging that he is still fighting to keep his heart, their fear is that it will get so engorged that it will put too much pressure on his other organs, including his lungs and right ventricle producing "hydrops", a toxic build up that could contaminate the rest of his body and negatively effect his development, causing fetal distress and possible spontaneous abortion.

After they shared this information with us they told us our options. One being an experimental procedure in which they intervene in utero to try to balloon open his aortic valve to release pressure and enable his valve to start working on its own. This procedure is still very new and only has a 10% success rate and we would have to fly to the Boston children's medical center to receive it. Our other option is to wait and just see what happens in the weeks to come, hoping that he will make it to at least 34 weeks so they can deliver him, they think that if his condition doesn't get better soon that he may only have a 20% chance of making it that far.
On Monday we are going back to check on any other developments and to make a final decision on the Boston procedure (as our window is narrowing for the surgery). Right now we are leaning more heavily on waiting it through to see what God will do.

The word that kept coming to our doctor as she was talking with us was "surprise".
The interesting thing is that we have felt from the very beginning that this little baby was going to "surprise" us every step of the way.
He has already beaten incredible odds -- first being conceived, second, being a boy:), third, having a rare congenital heart defect and now doing something totally unexpected again and continuing to fight for wholeness. Our prayer has been that he would not be just another statistic and that they wouldn't be able to label him, that God would intervene in extraordinary and creative ways and that He alone would get the glory and praise in our son's life.

As we sat there listening Dr. Donofrio stopped and said, "you guys seem remarkably calm about all this" (she was probably remembering the emotional wreck I was a few weeks before)..."what's going on?" she asked. I told her that I felt with 100% certainty that Judah is going to make it and that he will continue to surprise them. We told them that we felt that God had purposed his life and that He has him in the palm of his hand *as is shown in the ultrasound picture below. Notice the mass to the left of Judah's body, to me it looks like a strong masculine hand and forearm cupping his face*. :)
To our surprise, she and her colleague smiled genuinely at us and said, "your motherly intuition is the best hope we have, and for right now that's good enough for me...we'll continue to fight for your baby". It was a very sweet response.

So, with all that said, we are continuing to stand firm in faith and cry out to God for His perfect will to be done and that He would continue to form His masterpiece. We were SO encouraged on our recent trip down south and felt once again that God was strengthening us for the battle that we would continue to fight during this pregnancy. Our faith has been challenged and exercised in ways we have not experienced till now, I thank God for doing this work in us. So many of you, our friends, family and people we don't even know have been contending for our little baby. We are forever grateful for your prayers. We can't explain the peace that we are experiencing, but both Obe and I feel even more peace as the diagnosis gets worse. And we are actually encouraged that the Doctors aren't in control because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is.

Will you continue to contend with us for God's wholeness in Judah's life?

~ That God gives us wisdom and that He would give us peace if we are to go ahead with the Boston procedure.

~That He would sustain Judah and that there would be no contamination and increased pressure on his lungs and heart.

~That the aortic valve will open and that the ventricle would not give out.

~And most importantly that our little "Lion" would continue to fight and surprise the doctors by beating the odds and not suffer during this time. And that God would be glorified in his life and work His creative miracle in him.

Already, I've been able to share Judah's testimony with so many. Yesterday at my prenatal check-up I was discussing the current diagnosis with the midwives and again they commented on my peace, at first I kind of just blew it off saying I felt God has special plans for our baby but they kept probing for more... I got to share with them more about Judah's name, our faith in God and prayer and the beauty of God's Word.