Deliverance 11/7/09

The night before we left for Boston.

Right before surgery.

                                                             The day before Delivery.

So many people have emailed me sharing their dissappointment and heartbreak over Judah's death...they prayed, along with us, for God's healing and intervention for our son. Hundreds of people believed that God was going to gloryify Himself through Judah's life, and all the promises, visions, and specific words during prayer seemed to reinforce this resolve. We know that God could've easily saved him, but He didn't. I remember the moments as we watched his heart slowly stop beating, we cried out to God that He "HAD" to save him...that He promised us He would...and that we knew that He could...it would be nothing for Him in His power to do so. As we continued to watch in disbelief there was something in me that thought, "God, what about all those people that are believing for a miracle...don't You want to show Yourself?! There was just mind-numbing silence and a painful feeling deep within me that He was Glorifying Himself, just not how we had expected.

Delivery Day.
I've decided to share this painful part of our journey because it's still an important part of Judah's life and our God story.

Obe bought two lions for the girls to represent Judah

It's amazing how fast life moves us at times from one thing to the next. There's little preparation when you are living life moment to moment, in faith, especially when the unexpected happens. With that said, I honestly never prepared myself for an early Delivery. I don't think we left ourselves any reserve after Boston. We were utterly depleted both physically and emotionally. In a daze we decided to give ourselves one day at home to "recover" for induction.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling totally drained, defeated and violated. By this time it had been 3 days since Judah's death. The stitches from my belly were starting to ooze and stretch and my body felt like it had been hit by a truck. literally. The purpose that had been driving me was gone and for the first time, maybe in my life, I felt like I couldn't physically face my day.

We got to the hospital at 8 am and they tried to prep us for what to expect: First they would start me off with an aggressive pill that would soften my cervix and cause contractions (since my cervix was totally closed), every 4 hours I would receive one of these pills and with each dose labor would get more intense. They told me it would take anywhere from 12 hours to 3 days for delivery. My heart sank. I just wanted them to put me to sleep and wake me up when it was all over.

Then the words came.

"...who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."    ~Hebrews 12:2

At first I pushed this away, thinking, "what JOY is there in this situation?"...as I pondered that statement I realized that Jesus died for Judah, He died for me, He died for the world and He died for all the pain of this world. For the first time in my life I felt like I was able to understand the sufferings of the cross. I knew that I didn't "deserve" this pain, this suffering, that even though I thought I had nothing left to give I saw that Jesus must've felt the same way, but He depended totally on the Father. 'He is not a God that can not identify with our weakness', His death was the most unjust...He was shamed, violated, abandoned and beaten beyond our human grasp or comprehension. In those moments everything changed. I asked God for Christ's strength to finish well, to give my son the delivery that I gave my daughters, to labor in joy and with honor. I realized that it's easy to "pick up your cross" and follow Jesus when there's still hope but to do so when you know you are laboring for death ... maybe this is what Jesus was talking about.

After I had this change of heart God's provision came quickly. Two of my dear, sweet friends came to visit me while Obe was busy running errands in preparation for delivery. They brightened my day as they listened, laughed and cried with me, they walked the halls with me and helped the time pass by.

At around 6:30 my midwife broke my water and after that everything moved quickly. I was so proud of Obe, he remained so focused and strong for me, comforting and encouraging me through labor. I played all the same music from intervention day, it was beautiful and really helped remind me what this day was all about. Labor was every bit as intense and painful as with Ezra and my first pregnancy (with Mia i had an epidural and never felt a thing), with each painful contraction I literally felt purpose and replenishment...I wasn't trying to be a hero but I needed to feel the pain to bring completeness to his death. After an hour and a half I could tell I was close but was starting to feel sick to my stomach and was afraid I would start throwing up so I asked for an ITN (spinal block), within minutes it was ready and the shot helped me get through the last two contractions and then it was time -- with one push he was out. I will never forget that moment. I felt all the emotional anguish leave me as he was expelled from my body. I was able to cry from a place so deep that it literally washed away all my "why" questions . I knew that God had everything in His hands and that I could choose to rest in that.

Judah Aslan Schroeder was delivered at 8:57 pm, weighing 2 lbs, 11oz and was 13.8 inches long. Our midwife (the same one who delivered Ezzie) was so kind and wonderful to us. It was not his day to be at the hospital but he came and waited all day just for us. We asked for time alone with Judah. That time felt so holy. We cried, prayed and marvelled at every perfect little detail of his body. He had my feet and toes and big muscular legs and Obe's forehead with the "Jorandby" nose. After awhile the rest of our familys' came up to see him. It meant a lot to us to have them come and validate his place in the family.
Judah stayed in the room with us that night, I'm so glad we had that time together, especially for Obe, he moreso than me needed to touch, talk to, and hold him since he was physically removed throughout the pregnancy. I'm so thankful that he did. Judah never got to know how incredibly lucky he was to have such an amazing earthly father.

As I reread the verse, from Hebrews 12,  I realized that the verse right before that one talks about the great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, as we, His Body run the race with endurance...
This is what God was asking of us from the beginning: to run the race with faith all the way, receiving the encouragement from the "great cloud of witnesses" (our amazing brothers and sisters who were cheering us on) and to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Judah has taught me to keep my eyes fixed on my King, the Author and Perfector of my Faith. He's also taught me to find joy and draw love from a source that can't be obtained on this earth and when the going gets tough: Run the race and finish well; peace, provision and healing will come in the midst of it.

Judah's earthly body has been sent to Boston for further research and understanding on his rare heart defect. Afterwards, his heart will go into a Heart museum there. Again, we are happy to honor his life this way and help other babies with critical heart defects a chance at life.

"Judah" lion cubs.
 The lions have helped with talking to our girls about Judah's death. Mia asks tons of questions about him and has come up with several wonderful ways to keep our memories alive. I've been both surprised and delighted at her understanding and sensitivity. She especially likes the idea of Judah dancing in heaven with Jesus and keeping it "crazy" for Him up there, her words, not mine. :) Ezra used to love to kiss my belly and now when she goes to kiss my belly she says, "Judah's bye bye?" and then I tell her she can kiss her lion instead and she totally does!

Memorial/Worship service this Saturday, November 14th @2 pm at Vineyard Community Church.

All are welcome.

255 Najoles Dr

Millersville, Md 21108

http://sweetheartmaddox.blogspot.com/. 

This blog is about the 9th baby to receive the same intervention Judah did. He is one of the two babies that have survived. His name is "miracle" Maddox and at 3 weeks old he's still fighting for his life; he's truly a miracle. You can follow their story and pray for him and his family

Praise the King!

On behalf of our family we want to thank everyone again for giving so much of yourselves in standing with us for our son. We are overwhelmed with the love that has been poured out on us and of course are forever grateful for your prayers and support for our sweet, precious, perfect, baby Judah.


Although, we are suffering for the life we wanted to share with him, we have such peace and confidence in knowing where he is and that he is no longer struggling, there is no more pain... he is truly made new and perfect and whole. Thank you Jesus.

I'm so thankful that we can say with full assurance that we fought the good fight and have finished the course and have kept the faith...we gave Judah everything we had to give and we would've gladly given him more but God in His mercy and sovereignty knows all things and is above all things and we continue to Hope in Him and look forward to the day when we meet Judah Aslan in Glory.
His life has profoundly impacted ours and we will always "Praise our King" for entrusting us with such a uniquely precious gift. He will remain in our hearts forever.

"For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, 
and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me,
when as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would out number the sand, when I awake, I am still with You."
                                                                                                   ~psalm 139

Praise the Lord! Praise our Maker! Sing songs of Praise and thanksgiving to our King for He is dealt kindly with us and nothing is ever really lost when we commit our lives to Jesus.
We are so grateful that we were with Judah as his heart rate lowered and that we were able to tell him that we loved him as he was slipping away from us, he knew we pleaded for his life and that we fought for him with all our strength, and in the end we committed him into the Everlasting arms of his Creator.

Thank you again, our dear wonderful friends!
We also want to thank the incredible people at Boston's Children's Hospital for the care and ongoing work they are doing in Fetal interventions; offering hope and life to families with congenital heart defects. We absolutely believe in the extraordinary, life-saving work they are performing. They have asked us to offer Judah's body for continued research in this area, as they do not know what exactly caused his death.
We are honored to do so and hope that his life would not be in vain but that in some ways the world would be a better place because of him and that his story would continue to heal many more hearts...

*my girls and I have played this song probably a hundred times and each time it would come on they would stop whatever they were doing and squeal with shouts of joy and excitement, "It's Judah's SONG!!!"  and would lift their hands up to heaven and dance before God as they proclaimed Judah's wholeness. This song/painting is very special to us:

Intervention Day

Today is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Judah and I will be in surgery from 11:30-1:30 (approx. 2 hours).
We are standing up against insurmountable odds, since he is the 10th baby to receive this intervention (with 2 survivors leading the way) and with quite possibly the most severe heart defect (at this stage in pregnancy) that they have operated on in-utero. Lucky for us, we serve a God that does not shrink back in opposition but goes forward victoriously and specializes in the "impossible" and extraordinary. We feel like the luckiest most blessed parents in the world (as bizarre as that may sound right now) to be receiving this intervention and be where we are right now: in the love, care and grace of the Best hands in the world (literally and figuratively).

There's a song I've been listening to in preparation for our fetal intervention today. It's by Watermark called "Mended":

You repair all that we have torn apart and
You unveil a new beginning in our hearts and
We stand grateful for all that has been left behind and
All that goes before us


Chorus:
You've got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
'Cause your love is perfect
You are our healer
And you know what's broken
And we're not a mystery to you
(to you, oh Lord, to you)


We will dance 'cause you restore the wasted years and
You will sing over all our coming fears and
We'll stand grateful for all that has been left behind and all that goes before us


-Chorus-
Bridge:


Lord, you mend the breech
And you break every fetter
You give us your best, but what we thought was better
And you are to be praised


You are to be praised (4x)


-Chorus-
(to you, oh Lord, mender of the broken)

Through this entire journey it's been the songs and praises of the Lord that have been my weapons of warfare and brought me to quiet still waters, refreshing my soul. God has put a new song in my heart and it's a song of thanksgiving and praise. My faith has been fortified through worship and praise and I love my King and will indeed praise Him all the days of my life. To God be the glory forever and ever!

Dear Judah, my sweet precious baby Your deliverer is coming...we love you so much! Continue to be the strong, feisty little lion that we know you are but also please cooperate with the doctors today they know what's best for you. :)
Jesus, continue to hold our baby close and protect him, strengthen him, let their be no pain, we commit him to you, now and always.

"Aslan is on the Move!"

This morning I woke up with these words on my heart, "Aslan is on the move",  granted it probably had something to do with Ezra waking me up at 5 am roaring and proclaiming she was a lion,  (it's funny now but it wasn't then) we've been talking a lot about lions lately with the girls since Judah's middle name is Aslan, turkish for "Lion" :).... Anyway, for the past couple days I've felt a growing anticipation and stirring in my heart that the King is on the move and responding to our cry in big ways, I've also felt the manifestation of it with a very active little "lion" cub in my tummy. :)

I just wanted to update everyone on how Judah's doing and other news:

Yesterday I had my Level II Fetal monitoring (that I've been dreading to go to all week). Last week the doctor (the same one that encouraged me to get an abortion because he thought my baby would not be able live a "normal" life) told me that it didn't look good and that Judah was entering into critical danger with evidence of hydrops and heart failure and that he didn't know if he would make it to intervention day. Well, whatever his purposes were they were used for good because it really got us on our knees praying for "God's intervention" and for Him to slow down/stop the process of Hydrops and polyhydramnios and for the surgery to be moved up if at all possible.

So, yesterday at the sonogram we were all pleased to find that Judah's condition seemed to be stabilized and there was only little evidence of increased fluids in his abdomen, heart and under his skin in his head. There was also only a slight increase in my amniotic fluids and evidence of a full bladder, meaning he's receiving more than he was! Praise God!!

Then this morning I received a call from the Boston hospital that they were moving up surgery day to Monday- Tuesday (Nov.2nd and 3rd)!!! Another huge answer to prayer as each day is critical for Judah right now. Earlier in the week I was told that it may not be till Thursday, so needless to say receiving this call was a HUGE relief.

I want to thank everyone again for your support and PRAYERS! We literally feel them and can see God at work as a result.

At church on Sunday we were so blessed and encouraged to receive corporate prayer and also at the women's retreat I attended this past weekend.
In addition, a dear friend of ours has organized a "Round the Clock Prayer" calendar for us during this next week. We will be keeping her updated so if you would like to participate and receive updates and prayer requests you can email Jaime at:  jjredcay@aol.com.

God is gracious and compassionate and always answers us in His perfect timing. There were times this week where dissappointment and fear gripped my heart and lingered beyond what I felt I could bear but God sustained me through it all and even though at times I lack faith and patience He still remains faithful and is unphased by my weakness; He will accomplish the things that He's set forth to accomplish. This is a promise I can trust.

A friend of mine shared Romans 5 with me and I've been meditating on it all week:
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ., through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in Hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character, and proven character, hope; and Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts though the Holy Spirit who was given to us, FOR WHILE WE WERE STILL HELPLESS, AT THE RIGHT TIME CHRIST DIED FOR US."

Decision. Blessed be this road...

The past 7 weeks can only be described as an emotional roller coaster filled with ups and downs, turning our world inside out and spinning us in directions we could never have imagined.

Yesterday was another one of those days. It seems that we have been faced with some difficult decisions...

But there is still hope.

Our cardiologist after looking at the progress of Judah's heart (after only 4 days from our last echocardiogram) concluded that he is not getting better and in fact the fluid build up is starting to spread into his abdomen and he is in critical danger of hydrops and heart failure. At just over 23 weeks gestation our baby is continuing to fight for his life, even against all odds and it seems that on his own he may not have enough strength to fight for the remaining 13 weeks.

So, here we are again.
God, "you lead the blind by a way they do not know, in paths they do not know you guide them. You will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things You will do and You will not leave them undone." ~Isaiah 42:16

It seems like Judah's best option is to undergo an in utero intervention. The Boston Children's heart specialist who performs these experimental procedures called us yesterday when we got home and interviewed Obe and I to make sure that we could be candidates for this extraordinary surgery. It seems with Judah's unique condition (the enlarged left-ventricle instead of a hypoplastic ventricle) that he is a perfect candidate.

Even though this procedure is still relatively ground-breaking and new (they've performed less than 10 similar surgeries to Judah's condition) they think his odds are favorable. Right now they are mobilizing their team of ten world-class surgeons and nurses and preparing for us to come Oct. 31st. This is the soonest they can get the entire team together and right now time is not on our side as I am also developing a serious condition related to Judah's heart called, Polyhydramnios, in which my 23 week belly is filling up with too much amniotic fluid making me look more like 35 weeks pregnant. My tummy is very tight and swollen and if it goes untreated without being drained it could result in preterm labor/ and or growth restriction for my baby. I feel as though I'm getting bigger by the hour!! And my back and lungs are starting to feel the pressure too.

The surgery will basically take place in two parts:
The first procedure will be to balloon open up the aortic valve. In this procedure they will put a large needle through my belly through the womb and straight into Judah's heart in which they will attempt to balloon open the valve and release the blood and fluid build up hoping to get his valve working again. The second procedure will be like the first but this time they will insert the needle into the upper chamber of his heart to make a hole to allow passage between the valves. After that or maybe before they will place a plastic straw-like tube into my stomach to drain some of the amniotic fluid from my uterus.

We are so grateful to the Lord for His guiding hand every step of the way.

Already we feel like He has provided and gone to extraordinary lengths to confirm this next step.

~ We received a large, very unexpected check from a group of dear friends of ours just last week that will cover air-fare and this months bills since Obe has had to take off so much work and will have to take off at least another week for our surgery in Boston.

~About a month ago a good friend of mine had a picture during prayer of God cracking open Judah's (enlarged) womb and handing him a string and then closing the womb back up and placing it back (smaller than before) in my belly. I remember when she relayed this picture to me it seemed very abstract and unrelated to anything. Now I'm just amazed at its profound meaning to what will be happening.

~Also, totally unexpected a friend from the past that I have not seen or talked to in the past 11 years happened to stumble on my blog the other night just after coming home from the Boston's children's heart hospital where she was visiting her niece who also has a congenital heart defect. This friend was able to tell us all about the hospital and has even invited Obe and I and our girls to stay at her home, watch our kids and be a resource to us during out time. Oh and did I mention that her niece's doctor is the same one performing the surgery?!

~And of course putting us in the hands of one of the best fetal cardiac heart specialists in the world. This opportunity alone speaks of God's sovereignty.

Although there are many obstacles on our path right now and the road seems to become increasingly more narrow and difficult we feel that God is continuing to lead the way and has remained 5 steps ahead of us providing our every need before we even realize it.
We continue to remind ourselves that this is Judah's story that He is writing and even though we would not choose this for him, God knows what's best, and knows what we can handle and that's good enough. We know that there is no other place we can fall but into the faithful, loving arms of Jesus.

I continue to be touched by the many kindnesses being shown to our family right now. Your prayers, emails, phone calls, reaching out and acts of generosity are a testimony to us of God's love and tender mercies. You have been an example to us. Thank you!

Why I am not surprised...

This picture was taken this summer while Obe and I were on vacation. I was 14 weeks pregnant and wrote his name in the sand. Obe thought this was a silly gesture since he was convinced we would have another girl. I told him, that if we have a boy than we can show him this picture someday and tell him that we loved him before we even knew who he was. The "heart" makes me smile.

"But now , thus says the Lord, your Creator, And He who formed you, '

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And though the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,

Nor will the flame burn you, For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, 
your Savior... Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you...
Do not fear, for I am with you; everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory,  whom I have formed, even whom I have made."
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.
Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert...
The people whom I have formed for Myself will declare My praise.' "~Isaiah 43

This passage continues to encourage us as we pass through rough waters. The greatest comfort I have is in the Word of God and as I reflect on His faithfulness from generation to generation and throughout our lives.

On Wednesday we had our 2nd Fetal Echo appointment at the Children's hospital. After a couple of hours of waiting to hear the results after the ultrasound the doctors sat us down to tell us that Judah's heart is not doing what it's "supposed to be doing" and to their big surprise (and disappointment) it is actually doing the exact OPPOSITE of what they projected.

During our last visit Judah's heart specialist concluded that the left ventricle of his heart would stop functioning all together and remain a 16 week ventricle while the right side of his heart would continue to develop as normal, leaving him with "half a heart" (HLHS) when he was born. To the doctors' shock Judah's heart at 23 weeks gestation is continuing to grow and trying to pump causing it to fill with blood, creating an increasingly enlarged left ventricle. She told us that this "should not be happening" and in fact they have only seen one other case somewhat similar to his in their experience, although she couldn't tell me what the outcome was. The medical term for his current condition is Critical Aortic Stenosis. Even though it is encouraging that he is still fighting to keep his heart, their fear is that it will get so engorged that it will put too much pressure on his other organs, including his lungs and right ventricle producing "hydrops", a toxic build up that could contaminate the rest of his body and negatively effect his development, causing fetal distress and possible spontaneous abortion.

After they shared this information with us they told us our options. One being an experimental procedure in which they intervene in utero to try to balloon open his aortic valve to release pressure and enable his valve to start working on its own. This procedure is still very new and only has a 10% success rate and we would have to fly to the Boston children's medical center to receive it. Our other option is to wait and just see what happens in the weeks to come, hoping that he will make it to at least 34 weeks so they can deliver him, they think that if his condition doesn't get better soon that he may only have a 20% chance of making it that far.
On Monday we are going back to check on any other developments and to make a final decision on the Boston procedure (as our window is narrowing for the surgery). Right now we are leaning more heavily on waiting it through to see what God will do.

The word that kept coming to our doctor as she was talking with us was "surprise".
The interesting thing is that we have felt from the very beginning that this little baby was going to "surprise" us every step of the way.
He has already beaten incredible odds -- first being conceived, second, being a boy:), third, having a rare congenital heart defect and now doing something totally unexpected again and continuing to fight for wholeness. Our prayer has been that he would not be just another statistic and that they wouldn't be able to label him, that God would intervene in extraordinary and creative ways and that He alone would get the glory and praise in our son's life.

As we sat there listening Dr. Donofrio stopped and said, "you guys seem remarkably calm about all this" (she was probably remembering the emotional wreck I was a few weeks before)..."what's going on?" she asked. I told her that I felt with 100% certainty that Judah is going to make it and that he will continue to surprise them. We told them that we felt that God had purposed his life and that He has him in the palm of his hand *as is shown in the ultrasound picture below. Notice the mass to the left of Judah's body, to me it looks like a strong masculine hand and forearm cupping his face*. :)
To our surprise, she and her colleague smiled genuinely at us and said, "your motherly intuition is the best hope we have, and for right now that's good enough for me...we'll continue to fight for your baby". It was a very sweet response.

So, with all that said, we are continuing to stand firm in faith and cry out to God for His perfect will to be done and that He would continue to form His masterpiece. We were SO encouraged on our recent trip down south and felt once again that God was strengthening us for the battle that we would continue to fight during this pregnancy. Our faith has been challenged and exercised in ways we have not experienced till now, I thank God for doing this work in us. So many of you, our friends, family and people we don't even know have been contending for our little baby. We are forever grateful for your prayers. We can't explain the peace that we are experiencing, but both Obe and I feel even more peace as the diagnosis gets worse. And we are actually encouraged that the Doctors aren't in control because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is.

Will you continue to contend with us for God's wholeness in Judah's life?

~ That God gives us wisdom and that He would give us peace if we are to go ahead with the Boston procedure.

~That He would sustain Judah and that there would be no contamination and increased pressure on his lungs and heart.

~That the aortic valve will open and that the ventricle would not give out.

~And most importantly that our little "Lion" would continue to fight and surprise the doctors by beating the odds and not suffer during this time. And that God would be glorified in his life and work His creative miracle in him.

Already, I've been able to share Judah's testimony with so many. Yesterday at my prenatal check-up I was discussing the current diagnosis with the midwives and again they commented on my peace, at first I kind of just blew it off saying I felt God has special plans for our baby but they kept probing for more... I got to share with them more about Judah's name, our faith in God and prayer and the beauty of God's Word.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen...

On Wednesday Obe and I went to the Children's National Heart Institute in DC for our Fetal Echocardiogram. On our way there we decided to saturate and arm ourselves with God's Truth and Promises.
I read Hebrews 11 out loud. The chapter starts off with these words:
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible...without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him..."

The chapter goes on to talk about men and women that stood up against insurmountable odds, they had every strike against them in the natural world and to those that didn't, like Moses, they refused entitlement and wealth for the sake of Greater Riches and promises from God.
As I read this chapter I was filled with great humility and faith rose up within me that this same God that caused men to "conquer kingdoms, perform acts of righteousness, obtain promises, shut the mouths of lions, escape the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, parted the Red Sea"...this same God was now walking with us and girding us up to face whatever giant we were now up against.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.

Four words that break my heart and make very little sense to me right now....

What Doctors say:
After 5 hours of indepth heart sonogramming and deliberations we found out that the pediatric cardiology specialists believe with "100%" certainty that our son has a rare congenital heart defect called, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Basically, this means that sometime between now and when he's born they believe that the left ventricle in his heart will stop functioning and he will be born with half a heart. These babies have at most 48 hours (that's what they told us with our son's condition) after birth to receive open heart surgery because their heart is incapable of pumping oxygen rich blood to the body on its own. This procedure on avg has a 50-85% success rate (meaning the baby's life is sustained). However, there are many other complications due to the intense toll these complicated surgeries have on their newborn bodies. For example, brain damage, slowed speech, collapsed lungs, acid reflux, contamination, the list can go on and on..life is taken one day at a time and they have to undergo a series of open-heart surgeries by the time their 18 months old. They told us everything and gave us all our options. We sat there listening to what they projected his life to look like from now until he's at least 20, since their oldest survivors of HLHS are now only in their early 20's.
Even though they can offer much hope there are still so many risks and unknowns. If you want to find out more about this syndrome this site is good because its a testimonial of a beautiful little girl named, Grace with HLHS: http://www.heartofgrace.net/WhatIsHLHS.html.

Many of you have sent us messages and emails asking us how things are going...it's been a tough and confusing week...we thank you again and again for your prayers and concerns for us! We have been wrestling with this diagnosis all week, crying out to God, seeking His face and making preparations for the potential challenging journey ahead of us. So thank you for your patience.

What we say:
We feel very fortunate to have such an amazing, world-class team of pediatric heart surgeons on Judah's side but right now we do not see Judah as a "HLHS" baby (despite what the doctors say). We believe that God is not done with him yet and who but God truly knows the heart of man, He is still perfecting him and safely knitting him in my womb and He alone ultimately has the final Word.
We are asking God for a Creative miracle in his life and for His kingdom to come, His will to be done. We praise God for our son. He already is such a gift to us...we are completely in love! We know that God has a plan and a purpose in all of this and we are still holding on to dear life to the promises He has, the ones not seen, as well as the ones that are for today. No matter what the outcome, we are committed to Praising the King through little Judah's life.

Will you please continue to stand with us for our son, Judah Aslan?

We are not ready to relinquish him into the miracles of modern medicine. Our prayer is for God to be victorious in this situation and continue the work of Master Creator, Great Physician, making his heart wholly His for His mighty purposes. We are also praying that He would uphold us during this time, give us strength when we're weary, fill us with Faith and Hope and that fear would not cloud His purposes in our lives. He's put a new song in my heart each morning and I can say with all my heart that "His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness, so I will gladly boast in my weakness so His power may rest on me." (2cor.12:9)

We feel like we're in for the fight of our lives.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2cor4:19)

What God's Word says:
"For I know the Plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your heart." (jer.29:11)